I'm 35 now. I calculated.
If I lived to 80, I would have reached approx. 43% of my lifespan this year.
43%
At 43%, what matters most to me now?
Now that I'm a mum, a stay home mum at that, does my contentment come from the fulfilled duty of an organised home, a well-stocked fridge, and zealous commitment to the well-being of my family?
Has the consuming labour of childcare taken over my life? Have my son and family become my only world? Have I come to terms with whatever I've chosen to leave behind and learnt how to embrace this noble role wholeheartedly?
Maybe yes, maybe no.
I've been returning to this blog a couple times now--since my last post in 2017. It seemed what has happened then and after, has put a screeching halt to the personal rumination I used to enjoy. Perhaps, I'm learning to live more in the present now. Or perhaps, I've stopped thinking.
Maybe good, maybe bad.
Thus today, I made a decision and conscious effort to commit myself to fruitful endeavours. Cease all the mindless activities I've been allowing myself to get carried away with, and nurture better habits henceforth. I'm thankful I've been given the luxury of time to myself again (thank you childcare) but it's 6 more months to the restart of another daily grind--to the birth of another, and then getting lost again for the next 2 years.
I hope I use this time well.
Wish me luck!